Marriage Reconciliation in New York City

It sometimes happens that after spouses separate, they realize that they are better off together.

Perhaps absence made their hearts grow fonder, and for this reason, there was marriage reconciliation after separation.

There can generally be four types of marriage reconciliation:

reconciling after physical separation (but not legal separation)
reconciling after legal separation
reconciling after filing for divorce
reconciling after a divorce decree has been issued

Marriage reconciliation after physical separation

When spouses physically separate (meaning, they begin living in separate households), the effect of marriage reconciliation would depend on whether they have initiated any legal process to separate. This legal process could be either entering into a legal separation agreement or filing for divorce. If they have not initiated any legal process to separate, then even if they live in separate households, they are still considered husband and wife. If they reconcile, there is no change to their legal status because their physical separation never changed their legal status in the first place.

For example, Husband and Wife get married in 2019 and decide to separate in 2020. They start living in different households. If they reconcile in 2021, there is no change in their legal status. They are still considered husband and wife because they were never not husband and wife, having never initiated any legal process for their legal separation or divorce.

Marriage reconciliation after legal separation

When spouses enter into a legal separation agreement, their new status is legally separated. They are still considered married, but they are separated in bed and board. Their legal separation agreement can state that anything they acquire after the separation agreement is considered separate property. The separation agreement can already provide for child support, division of marital property, alimony, waivers on the elective share, and other items that a divorce proceeding would normally address.

Under common law, marriage reconciliation after legal separation voids the separation agreement. Matter of Wilson, 50 N.Y.2d 59 (1980). Common law presumes that the conduct of the spouses in reconciling may be understood to manifest an intention to void the separation agreement in its entirety. However, lawyers can insert in a separation agreement a provision that reconciliation does not void the agreement. This provision would cancel out the common law presumption of marriage reconciliation invalidating the separation agreement.

In the example above, if Husband and Wife got married in 2019 and entered into a legal separation agreement in 2020, when they reconcile in 2021, Husband and Wife’s conduct would be assumed to intend to invalidate the separation agreement. However, if Husband and Wife’s lawyers inserted a marriage reconciliation provision in the separation agreement, Husband and Wife’s separation agreement would continue to be valid, despite the marriage reconciliation.

For example, in the separation agreement, Wife waived her right to her elective share because there had already been a marital division of property. In New York, the elective share prevents a spouse from being completely disinherited by the other spouse. Under Estates, Powers, and Trusts Law § 5-1.1A, a surviving spouse is entitled to take the greater of $50,000 or one-third (1/3) of the deceased spouse’s net estate.

In the case above, supposing Husband died in 2022 with a net estate of $150,000, leaving Wife with only $25,000. Since Wife and Husband reconciled in 2021 after a legal separation agreement, Wife will claim that the legal separation is void under common law, and she is entitled to receive her elective share of $50,000. Wife is correct if there is no provision in the legal separation agreement stating that marriage reconciliation does not invalidate the agreement. However, if such provision is inserted in the legal separation agreement, then Wife’s waiver of her elective share stands, and she is only entitled to whatever Husband leaves her in the will.

Marriage reconciliation after filing for divorce

When spouses reconcile after filing for divorce but before the divorce is finalized, spouses should make the decision on whether they would like to discontinue the divorce proceedings. If this is the case, then the spouses can enter into a stipulation for the discontinuation of the divorce proceedings for approval of the court. If no responsive pleading has been filed, or within 20 days from date of service of the notice of claim, Rule 3217(a)(1) of New York’s Civil Practice Law and Rules generally allows a party to withdraw the divorce claim without court order.

Marriage reconciliation after a divorce decree is issued

Once a divorce decree has been issued, the former spouses are now legally single. Any marriage reconciliation does not affect their status of being legally single. If the former spouses would like to return to their former status of being married, they need to get married all over again. However, all matters adjudged in the divorce decree still stands, such as marital division of property and child support. After the divorce decree, spouses, however, can enter into a pre-nuptial or post-nuptial agreement relating to the ownership of their properties.

What "reconciliation" actually means under New York law

Reconciliation is not a defined term in the Domestic Relations Law, but New York courts have treated it as the resumption of a marital relationship — meaning the spouses have once again undertaken the mutual obligations of marriage, not just had occasional contact. A single weekend together, a few attempts to talk, or a shared holiday with the children does not, by itself, amount to reconciliation. Courts look at the totality of conduct: cohabitation, sharing finances, holding themselves out publicly as a married couple again, and resuming an intimate relationship.

Whether reconciliation is "complete" matters because it determines whether the separation agreement — or a pending divorce — should be set aside. Where the evidence shows only sporadic contact and an unsuccessful attempt to repair the marriage, courts will generally leave the separation agreement in place.

How reconciliation affects pending issues in the case

Effect on automatic orders and temporary relief

Once a New York divorce action is filed, automatic orders take effect under the Domestic Relations Law. These orders restrict transfers of assets, changes to insurance beneficiaries, and similar conduct. If the spouses are exploring reconciliation while a case is pending, those orders remain in force until the action is formally discontinued by stipulation or court order. Spouses sometimes assume they can ignore the orders while attempting reconciliation; they cannot. Any disposition of property in violation of the automatic orders can be unwound after the fact.

Effect on temporary orders of support and custody

If the court has already entered pendente lite (temporary) orders for support, exclusive possession, or custody, reconciliation does not automatically dissolve those orders. The parties have to ask the court to vacate them, typically by stipulation. Until the orders are vacated, they are enforceable. A spouse who stops paying temporary support after a reconciliation attempt — even if living back at home — remains exposed to enforcement for the period until the order is formally vacated.

Effect on the cause of action for divorce

If the divorce was filed on a no-fault ground — irretrievable breakdown of the marriage for at least six months — a successful reconciliation undermines the factual basis of the claim. The parties can either discontinue voluntarily or seek to amend the pleadings. If the case was filed on a fault ground such as cruel and inhuman treatment or abandonment, a true reconciliation can act as a "condonation," potentially barring use of pre-reconciliation conduct as a ground for a later divorce. This is one reason couples should be careful before walking back a filing without legal advice.

Trial reconciliations and reconciliation agreements

Many couples want to test the waters before deciding whether to formally end the separation or divorce process. A "trial reconciliation" is exactly that — an agreed-upon period during which the spouses attempt to resume the marriage, while preserving the option to return to the prior arrangement if it does not work. A short, written reconciliation agreement can be very useful in this situation. It typically addresses:

The duration of the trial reconciliation period.
Whether the existing separation agreement, pendente lite orders, and divorce action are suspended or remain in force during the trial period.
The financial arrangements during the trial period — who pays which household expenses, and how joint and separate accounts will be handled.
What conduct will count as reconciliation and what will not.
How either spouse can end the trial reconciliation, and what happens to the underlying case if they do.

Because a poorly drafted reconciliation agreement can accidentally void a perfectly good separation agreement, this kind of document should be reviewed by counsel before signing.

Reconciliation, separate property, and date of valuation

One of the more technical issues created by reconciliation is the effect on the marital-property "snapshot." In a New York divorce, marital property is generally valued and identified as of either the commencement date of the action or the date of trial, depending on the type of asset. If a separation agreement set a date as of which property would be treated as separate, and the parties later reconcile in a way that voids the agreement, that property may revert to marital status. Assets earned, acquired, or appreciated during the reconciliation period are generally marital. Couples sometimes assume that money earned after the separation agreement remains separate forever; if the agreement is wiped out by reconciliation, that assumption can be wrong.

If reconciliation does not last

Reconciliation attempts are emotionally important but do not always succeed. If a second separation becomes necessary, several issues arise:

If the original separation agreement was voided by reconciliation, the parties may need a new separation agreement or to proceed directly to divorce.
The economic conditions, custody arrangements, and child-support figures from the prior agreement may no longer reflect current reality and will need to be revisited.
If the divorce action was discontinued, a new action must be filed and re-served.
If the divorce action was held in abeyance rather than discontinued, it may be possible to restore it to the calendar without starting over.

For these reasons, when there is any meaningful uncertainty about whether reconciliation will succeed, the safer course is often to put the case on hold by adjournment rather than dismiss it outright, and to be deliberate about what each spouse signs during the reconciliation period.

Frequently asked questions

Does living in the same house again count as reconciliation?

Not always. Courts look at intent and conduct, not just shared addresses. Spouses who move back in together to save money or to co-parent during a transition, but who continue to live separate lives within the home, are often found not to have reconciled. Conversely, spouses who resume an intimate and shared marital life — even while maintaining separate residences — may be found to have reconciled.

Can a separation agreement be revived if reconciliation fails?

Sometimes. If the agreement contains a clause stating that reconciliation does not void it, the agreement is preserved. If there is no such clause, and the parties truly reconciled, the agreement is generally considered abrogated, and reviving it requires a new written agreement. Courts will not piece together a new agreement out of an old one based on the parties' assumptions.

Does reconciliation affect child custody and child support already in place?

Existing custody and child-support orders remain in effect until modified or vacated by the court. If the parents resume living together with the children and stop following the order, the order is still on the books. A parent who later separates again can enforce the unmodified order; the other parent's defense — that the order was effectively suspended by cohabitation — is rarely successful absent a clear written agreement.

What if one spouse wants to discontinue the divorce and the other does not?

A divorce can be discontinued unilaterally only in narrow circumstances under CPLR 3217. After that window closes, both parties' consent — or a court order — is generally required to discontinue. A spouse who has gone through the upheaval of filing may be unwilling to drop a case without specific protections built into a written stipulation.

When should I involve a lawyer?

Any time there is a written separation agreement, a pending divorce action, or significant marital assets in play, both spouses should consult counsel before taking concrete steps toward reconciliation. The legal consequences of "trying again" are not symmetrical for the two spouses, and a few hours of legal advice early on can prevent serious surprises later.

If you have family law issues, considering marriage reconciliation during legal separation, or thinking of divorce, we at the Law Offices of Albert Goodwin are here for you. We have offices in New York City, Brooklyn, NY and Queens, NY. You can call us at 212-233-1233 or send us an email at [email protected].